Kulula is a low-cost South-African airline that
doesn't take itself too seriously. Check out their
new livery! And have a read about their
Customer Relations.
WHAT A PITY KULULA DOESN'T FLY INTERNATIONALLY - WE SHOULD SUPPORT
THEM IF ONLY FOR THEIR HUMOUR - SO
TYPICALLY SOUTH AFRICAN.
Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in
Johannesburg. Kulula airline attendants make an
effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and
announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are
some real examples that have been heard or reported:
On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you
just sit where you want) passengers were apparently
having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant
announced, "People, people we're not picking out
furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"
---o0o---
On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant
crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached
cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights.
This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of
your flight attendants."
----o0o---
On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take
all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything,
please make sure it's something we'd like to have."
----o0o---
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are
only 4 ways out of this airplane."
---o0o---
"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving
us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
---o0o---
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban
Airport, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa,
big fella. WHOA!"
---o0o--
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in
the Karoo, a flight attendant on a flight announced, "Please
take care when opening the overhead compartments because,
after a landing like that, sure as heck everything has shifted."
---o0o---
From a Kulula employee: "Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port
Elizabeth. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into
the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt;
and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't
be out in public unsupervised."
---o0o---
"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will
descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull
it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you,
secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling
with more than one small child, pick your favourite."
---o0o---
Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds,
but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and
remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula
Airlines."
----o0o---
"Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event
of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take
them with our compliments."
---o0o---
"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.
Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight
attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
---o0o---
And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Kulula Airlines
is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight
attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this
flight!"
---o0o—
Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town:
The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was
quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell
you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't
the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."
---o0o—
Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town, on a particularly
windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain
really had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight
Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother
City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened
while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
---o0o—
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing:
"We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces
us to the terminal."
---o0o—
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered
his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which
required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers
exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline. He
said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the
passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart
comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old
lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you
a question?"
"Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady
said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"
---o0o—
After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg , the attendant
came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats
until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a
screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has
cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door
and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
---o0o—
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to
thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you
get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized
metal tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."
---o0o—
Heard on a Kulula flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to
smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing. If you
can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."
---o0o---
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